Once upon a time, when the world was very young and life was still fun, there was a canoe marathon race course at Worcester.
I did something called National Championships there and it was fun. There were things called portages, that meant climbing and slipping up muddy banks, carrying boat and paddles. There were things called weir shoots at 3 different places and they were exciting.
And in those days many people raced and many came to watch the fun & excitement. The enjoyment was so great, that I wanted to do more and to learn how to climb banks without slipping and shoot weirs without swimming and paddle up fast narrow streams without being washed back. And so, in the fullness of time, I learned all these arts and it was even more fun. And watching was also fun.
As more time passed, canoeists forgot these skills and the ones called boat repair and they wanted easier things, with less challange, because it was told that canoeists from over the seas were not as good at the skills, so to make it fairer for them, we should make canoe marathon less demanding and less fun.
But the course at Worcester was still one of the best, with portaging around natural hazards, and so canoe marathon survived, slightly diluted but with some fun retained.
And yet more time passed and still it was too hard for some people, so more things were removed – concrete paths and cones and red & white tape replaced mud & fences and tree roots. They provided a portage around … provided a portage around … around … er … er … cones & tape.
And the course at Worcester survived, now quite insipid, a homogenised shadow of the course that first attracted me to the fun and excitement. It still had interest, beautiful, scenery, buildings and bridges, but I had no need of the skills I had learned.
And soon the thing called media and the spectre from over the seas, demanded that the fun stop, that canoe marathon was serious, not fun, that spectators wanted to sit at home, not traipse to things called weirs or portages. And so “laps” were born. And the course at Worcester was doomed.
Why go to Worcester? Wasn’t there a lake at Dorney and at Holme Pierrepont and “laps” could take place just as well on those. Media could get there easier, closer and the skills of canoe marathon were no longer needed, so why was the course?
RIP Worcester Marathon.
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Once upon a time there was something called 10000 metre racing in canoes and kayaks and it took place on lakes at places like Holme Pierrpont and it was fun. It had skills, different from marathon and it took place at regattas. It worked in” laps” and spectators could watch it and enjoy it. And soon the thing called media and the spectre from over the seas demanded that the fun stop, that regattas were serious, not fun, and besides it was too difficult to organise, or to take part … or something … and it faded away.
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In the hands of the great powers that be, and the media and the spectre from over the sea, two branches of the sport have dissolved, faded and vanished. The sport is not for paddlers, but the media and the spectre from over the seas.
Once I watched an indoor “cross country” running race. Once … and I slept through much of that. The media was there and spectators, but it was really just another indoor track run with a misleading name. No mud, no rain, no streams, no country to cross, no fun. And I’ve never seen it advertised again! Maybe it was not the wildest of successes.
Given the London or Boston Marathons to play with, the same great powers that twist and torture our sports, would have them run in stadia. Given the Tour de France and it would be ridden in velodromes, at different venues around France and spectators would not need to climb mountains, or travel great distances or stand out in the rain ….
And what of the legend of Pheidippides and his heroic 24.85 mile run bearing news? The term marathon, honours a legend of heroism, cross country, from place to place, not laps. Perhaps the new sport that is proposed should be known as Canoe/Kayak 40,000 metre racing or Canoe/Kayak Laps. The term marathon misleads and has a hollow ring.
And fun, and excitement, and challenge and skills could all be dispensed with, or at least groomed, and trained, and homogenised and diluted until …
Wii Paddling anyone?
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